Well done, little one. Well done...

Life. So much life has happened.

5 Grand kids and 2 on the way. We will have 6 boys and 2 little girls by May of 2020. That alone is wonderfully awesome. Little miracles. 

And I got my first teaching job. A self-contained elementary life skills class. I have two wonderfully awesome paraprofessionals who get me. We work well together. I can't wait to see how we grow and actually run a successful classroom. So far, it's been full of bumps and bruises and tears (mostly mine) and laughter and so much joy and a big learning curve. For me, not the kids. I have much to learn. So much room to grow.

Our last picture together, just the day before Friday.

Teaching isn't easy. I'm responsible for these little people who are trying to find their own place in the world. Where will they fit in? What awesome ways will they contribute to society? My goal is to show them how loved and important they are. That what they do and what they say and think really matters. I'm trying to show them they can do so much more than they ever thought or imagined. We've been working on independence and thinking for themselves. There are more ways to get things done than how I might tell them and believe me - these kiddos will find a way and most usually it's just as good or better than my idea. They also have ideas that don't quite work out but we learn and grow from them. And trust me, I have more flopped ideas than they ever will. They still love me. They show me grace every single day. Every hug. Every smile. Every hand hold. Grace. 

Much joy and happiness...

As the new quarter begins, the real work must begin. We've had time to get to know each other. I've had time to see what they can do. We've gotten in a little groove. We're ready. And then the day after Halloween comes...

The day after Halloween. Bright and early on the way to school. With a phone call from my Beloved Principal. We lost one of our own. A sweet, very much loved eight-year-old from our very small class.  We had 8. Now there are 7. Just like that. Sucker-punched. There. Are. Seven.

Honestly, I'm still numb. I'm more worried about Laynie's former teacher. She's known her for so long. How does Ginger feel? How is she doing? How is Laynie's aide? How will Courtney process this? Our kids. I'm worried about our kids. On Friday, they asked all day long where Laynie was. They loved her. They helped take care of her. She was their very dear friend. I've been worried about their parents as they share the news with their sons and daughters. And Laynie's family. How are they doing? How do they pick up and go on? 

Fly Laynie, fly!

I'm a private mourner. Give me a bathroom stall, an empty room, a car ride home, and I might be able to process all this. Give me a blank document and I will write. I have to write. And pray. And the tears will start to flow. My heart beats to Laynie's favorite songs. The smiles come through tears as I post pictures. Hope blossoms knowing Laynie flew straight to Heaven. She's dancing. She's singing. She's running. She's sitting on Jesus' lap. She didn't have to take her back brace with her. No stinking stander. No feeding tubes. Now she can eat and drink anything she wants. No more crying. I know she's talking everyone's ear off up there. 

She left an imprint on my life. I will never forget Laynie or the things she taught me. Everyone has a purpose in this world. Laynie's was to bring joy and happiness to all she came in contact with. Well done, little one. Well done... 

Hugs and kisses, my Laynie-Loo.

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1010!

This game. Ugh. 

"1010! is an addicting brain teaser with simple yet challenging games designed to train your brain. Challenge your puzzle game skills with this exciting skill game ..." 

It's very addictive. I want to stop playing and yet I can't. It's supposed to help my brain. I need brain help. I am my father's daughter and that scares me. My dad - he's battling so much. Dementia is taking over his life. 



Alzheimer's is a "progressive mental deterioration that can occur in middle or old age, due to generalized degeneration of the brain. It is the most common cause of premature senility."

1. He's only 74 years old. A super intelligent man who has always been there for his family and now he can't remember his family some days. 

It's so hard on my mom and sister who are both living this with him. I'm so far removed from it and yet... I'm as close as a phone call. An hour-and-a-half drive. But I get to hang up the phone. Go home. Forget for hours or minutes at a time. 

While I am taking college classes, trying to keep my mind sharp - my dad's mind is losing his past. And I don't know what to do about it. Prayers feel like they're falling on empty ears. 

I miss my daddy.  So... when someone is having trouble praying, her friends take over, right? 

Life is hard. So hard. 

So... I play a dumb game on my phone. I never win. I don't even know if it can be won. Maybe I need to quit playing. It's beginning to sound lots like life. 

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Extant

So... it's been a very long time. I'm talking - a LOOOONG time! And this is one of my changes for this year - to blog. I think I figured out my word for the year - Be Present. When I looked up synonyms, I found the word - extant - "Still existing. Not destroyed." It reminded me of the times I've been kicked around. Tested. Failed. Got up. Quit. Tried again.  Some linguist friend should put it into a good life sentence for me.

So... Word of the Year - check

And my 2019 Life Goals - no resolutions.

Love God Big! - in Word more/pray more. Get involved with a small group at church. I took part in Rooted this fall. It was amazing!

Celebrate Me! - healthwise/hobbies/read/write. I also will be starting my next Special Ed Endorsement class in January. I'm hoping to get my own classroom next fall.

Love My Family & Friends Well!
I have a new granddaughter, Emma Dean Hubrich. She's the sweetest.

I have two new daughter's-in-law this year: Kylie and Olesia. Jordan and Kristen moved to Clinton into a big, old house. Kaden is going to pre-school. He's 5 now. Karsen and Kalen have a birthday coming up - they are almost 4 and 2. I'll put their pictures up another time. 

Love My Home! I need to purge. Organize. 

Love My CASA Kids! I have two kids I need to figure out how to spend more time with. I'm hoping I get cases in Clinton soon. That will be much easier to get involved in their lives better. 

Looks like a short list but it's involved and well thought out because of  the Cultivate What Matters worksheets/journal that was gifted to me. 

So blog post - check. I miss writing. I must write again. And now it's time to organize a room. Attempt anyway. I feel the need to breathe. Happy New Year, everyone! I'm sure it will be another wild ride. 

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