FearNot

>> Friday, July 30, 2010

Today is Friday Fiction day, since today is Friday afterall:) Rick's Pod Tales and Ponderings blog is hosting today.

This story was written in March, 2008. I still deal with fear and laying down burdens for God to handle. A constant battle for sure.  I hope you enjoy this tale.

FearNot

Once upon a time, in a not-so-distant past, a girl was born. Her parents named her Aimee, which means loved. Her mother and Father were kind and gentle with this fair-haired maiden. She was not given to, in the sense that the world gives. Her parents gave her gifts of compassion, tenderness, and joy. She also experienced a love that surpassed anything anyone could imagine.

This land was only a small part of what her Father owned. The rest of His Kingdom was not mentioned, not ever, and she never asked. Everything this maiden would want was here, in the confines of this beautiful place, this place without war, sickness, and famine; this place called FearNot.

Aimee was loved by all. She taught children to read and sing funny songs. They ran up and down the streets, holding hands, squealing in delight. When not playing, she spent hours at her Father's feet, soaking in His Presence. He delighted in her company.

One day, as she skipped along a deserted path lined with trees bowed under with the weight of ripe fruit, she came across a troll standing at a bridge. Aimee had never seen such a thing before. In fact, she had never seen this bridge, not once in her many years she had walked this way.

The troll caught her eye. He used a sing-songy voice to catch her attention. "Come here, Litt-le Aim-ee."

She stopped and observed this creature. He had an over-sized head with eyes that blinked constantly, in rhythm to the rushing stream. His feet were large with three toes sticking out of holey socks. His clothes were rags that served only to cover his anatomy.

Aimee continued to walk.

The troll called out to her again, "Aim-ee. A child needs you."

Sitting beside the troll was a young girl; scraggly brown bangs covered her small face. Aimee could see hunger in her eyes and she ached for her. Being a compassionate maiden and since she was the daughter of the King, she bent down, without fear, and talked to this little one.

"What's wrong with you, My Sweets? Why are you hungry when there is fruit all around?"

The troll laughed in delight. "Oh, my Lady, we are not allowed to enter FearNot. In order for you to help My Pretty, you must cross over to our side."

"And what do you call your side, do tell?"

The little girl whispered, "ToadSuck, my Lady."

Aimee pulled an apple off the tree and looked beyond the bridge. The road was lined with young children, and all looked expectantly at the fruit in her hand. She gathered mounds of apples into her apron and, without thinking, crossed the bridge. Her heart broke. Little ones, covered with bruises and broken limbs sat and gawked at her with tears in their eyes.

She walked the pathway, handing out fruit, until she came upon a village. There, she cared for the sick and tended the peasant's wounds. She turned against her Father and wouldn't allow herself to go back home. "Why would He allow this to happen? Why are there needy ones in ToadSuck when we have much abundance in FearNot?"

In the quiet of the night, Aimee could be heard crying into her pillow. She felt a separation from her Father to her very core. The girl held her stomach, rolled into a ball, and wailed. She wouldn't allow her Father to carry this load. She wanted to do it alone. Day after day she cared for these people and she began to look and act more like the ones she cared for.

One day, she walked down the road; gray, wrinkled, and stooped. Aimee looked across the rickety bridge to FearNot and wished she had never left her Father's Kingdom. She ached to feel her Father's touch, see His smile.

On the other side of the bridge, Her Father caught her eye. He said, "Come here, Litt-le Aim-ee."

Aimee stopped. She hardly dared to believe that He spoke.

He called again, "Aim-ee."

Relief filling her body, she ran to her Father and leapt into His arms. They wept together, mourning their long separation. They wept with joy in their reunion.

She suddenly remembered what she had left behind and was saddened. "Father, the children, why are the children hungry? Won't you please help the people in ToadSuck?"

She heard giggling coming from the forest. Aimee watched in delight as children came running across the bridge. They climbed onto her Father's back, giggling. They mussed His hair and little ones grabbed hold of his legs. They were all well-fed and happy.

It was then she understood that she did have a job to do. Caring for these people was her life's work, but carrying burdens was up to her Father. As she let the little ones play, unhindered, she felt a weight lift off her body. Her wrinkles disappeared and she now stood straight and strong.

From that day and forever after, the people of ToadSuck were warmly welcomed in the land of FearNot.

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Inside Out

>> Sunday, July 25, 2010

"From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out..."

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I'm NO Donna Reed!

>> Saturday, July 24, 2010

Women in the 50's stayed home, or so it says it on TV. They cooked and cleaned and cooked and cleaned.  Wonder what else it is they did?

Donna Reed solved all her family's problems.

Mrs. Cleaver worked behind the scenes and got things rolling and then she got her husband to be 'clean up' man while the soft music played in the background.

They both wore dresses and heels. I can barely get out of my pajamas.  No, I'm not a good stay-at-home-wife/mom.

Maybe if we didn't live in the middle of nowhere? Maybe...  We only have one life to live. If I'm not a stay-at-home-mom (wife) and I have trouble working during the school year - what exactly am I? What is my place. I don't want to mess up this one life I have. When will I be old enough? Mature enough? Have the answers? Be wise to go with the gray hair?

Selah...Ponderings...Questioning...

Again I question, "Why so downcast oh my soul?"  Why are selah moments so hard?

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Pause Button

>> Friday, July 23, 2010

Seems like life is going kind of fast lately. I know of many that have decisions to make that aren't easy ones. Life keeps on plodding while they ponder and pray and seek the Lord.

Summer is slipping away. Fast. Too fast. Yet, at the same time, it's slow. I'm a woman without a plan. No direction. No reason to get up in the morning. I need routine. I yearn for the summer as I go through the school year, yet when summer finally gets here, I can't handle it.

I think that's why I really enjoy making lattes. There is a sequence of events to it. I guess I won't bore you with those steps but I will say that every night I have the pieces clean for the next day. There are certain steps I have to take to hold in my hands a delightful glass of nonfat, caramel, iced latte.

I grabbed hold of the 90 Day Bible Reading Plan and did really well up to the time I left for ten days of vacation. I read every day in Washington but not to the extent it took to keep up the plan. Now, it's hard to get going again.

The woman without direction is even more lost because of guilt she heaps on herself.  I'm up to Psalms now. Chapter 46. I'm moving right along and learning so much.

Today I read, Selah. Stop.  Pause. Dictionary.com says it might also mean - a louder strain.

Pause or louder? Psalm 46

"God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him. 
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in seastorm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains...

Step out of the traffic!  Take a long, loving look at Me,
Your High God, above politics, above everything..."

We live in a very LOUD world. Even in our own homes it can be noisy and so hard to listen to the Voice we really NEED to be listening to. The seastorm belts out a loud strain in our ears (along with life's demands) and the earthquake unsettles us (along with life's decisions and unrest feelings) YET God is our safe place, our refuge and we can stand and face it all without fear because God is with us, ready to help - just at the right time, BUT we must ask.


Hence, SELAH.  Without the louder strain, we might never get to the selah.  Never have to fully depend on God which would mean we would never fully experience His love and security in the storm. First LOUD STRAIN then SELAH.

 (And the light-bulb comes on when I reread what I've written. This is my SELAH summer. Why is the loud strain so much easier sometimes? Weird. My selah time is so not full of pressing demands but a time to rest and relax and recover. A time to get ready for a new school year. I have to learn to manage my selah moments. That will be an on-going process, for sure. But you know, it really readies me to go back to work! That is a good thing, a very good thing:)

Today is the SELAH day. Wait. Listen. Cry out.  Ponder. Wait. Listen. Cry out more and ponder.  Step out of the traffic for a bit. Enjoy a lazy summer day inside away from life's demands. Be direction-less with me for a bit. Let's SELAH together. 

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Trail of Tears

>> Friday, July 16, 2010

This week's Friday Fiction is hosted by Joanne at Open Book.  Lots of good stories to read there!  Go take a look and leave some comments.  This originally was to be for the FW topic, hear, but it was a little too personal and the judges, if they know me at all, would have known who wrote it, even with name changes soooo.... here it is.  So much is left out.  I'm sure another story is waiting in the wings.  This one was more therapeutic for me.


Trail of Tears (from the West to the East)

Cleared for take-off. into the wild blue yonder we went. The drone of the plane more than covered the sound of my sobs as I jetted away from my best friend. From my sad, sorry state, I looked out the small plexi-glass window. The aerial view of the city kept my attention as it got smaller and smaller. I saw the snowy top of a mountain and the cascading outline that surrounded it. I left a trail of tears from the West to the East. Exhausted, I finally sat back and let my mind wander over ten awesome days spent with a very best girlfriend.

***

Marita picked me up in her tiny car. We sped away with tops off, our dyed hair blowing in the wind. We felt a bit like Thelma and Louise but were probably most like Lucy and Ethel.  Good that husbands and kids weren’t around to witness how quickly we transformed from middle age to teens out to spend time as only teen girls can.  Yes, it’s good our family wasn’t with us, for their sake and ours, for the girls just wanted to have fun.

A mountain laid in wait for me behind every bend, it seemed.  I never stopped oohing and ahhing every time one caught me by surprise.  Mari shifted into high gear to scoot us up the incline and then stopped so I could soak in the view. The shutters of our cameras were the only sounds in the stillness of the warm day.


We strapped ourselves into the cute little tin can and wound our way back down.

I pointed up to a nearby bluff.  “Mari, see the Indian? He has his bow and arrow pointed right at us.”

“You are so funny.”

Taking that as a pure compliment I thanked her and she smiled.

“Weird to think Indians stood here, huh?”

“Very. I can hear the arrow as it speeds through the air.”

“Hopefully you’re pretending that, too, or I’d think we have a flat tire.”

I smiled at her.  “Now who’s being funny?”

***

My seatmate bumped into me and brought me back to reality. My ears popped and the drone of the plane got even louder. I rearranged my weary body and was reminded that without my best friend, beside me, I was just a sad, middle-aged woman, tired of the alone adventure, and the tears bubbled to the surface again.

***

“I’m going to miss you so much, Mari.”  I sat close to her on the couch, her husband sitting across the room from us, probably counting the days until I was to leave, poor guy. 

“Let’s don’t talk about that right now. Live each moment, please?”  She looked me in the eyes, knowing that I would be lost from her if I didn’t pull up.

I cuddled in closer and let the tomorrow’s disappear and enjoyed the now’s that were still with us.

***

I didn’t even bother to wipe the tears from my face. Freely they fell as I made note that the tomorrow’s ran out fast and the today was here and now and I was a mess.

***

Our drive became a quiet one the closer to the airport we drove. I prayed desperately she would stop at the cell phone parking lot for one last goodbye.  Instead, she parked in the departure lane and I dutifully opened my door and pulled my bags from the trunk.

We held each other tight. I stood at the curb, bags at my feet, and blew a kiss her way. I watched her drive off as she sucked in her own tears.

***

We landed. I turned on my phone to text my husband, “Miss you. Love you. Will be home soon.” then I texted Mari.  “Miss you already. Miss you bad.”

My two love’s: the people who carry me when I need it; who love me no matter what, even when I’m a tough one to love; the two who I will love forever.

I could hear my heart beat; excited to know I was seeing my husband soon. I could hear it pang at the same time, not sure when I would see My Mari again.  Amazing love God put in my life.

Through them both, I understand God’s love even more.  Amazing love indeed…

In spite of life's problems thrown at us, and keys locked in the trunk of the car with us 3 hours away from her home, and blistering record-hot days, we had an amazingly awesome time. Who knows when we'll see each other again.  That hurts yet I know, in God's perfect timing, it will happen.

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Bethany House Book Review - Flight to Heaven

>> Thursday, July 15, 2010

Two Bethany House books were waiting for me when I got back from my trip to Washington.  What timing!  This book, Flight to Heaven, was a great distraction for me and I read it clear through in less than two days.

This book is about Captain Dale Black's amazing testimony from when he was 19 years old.  He had just gotten his pilot's license and was a passenger in a plane with two other experienced pilots.  The plane crashed and this young man was the only survivor.

The crash changed his life.  He explained that he asked Jesus into his heart at an early age but lost his zeal as he got older. He started living for himself instead of for God.  After the crash, he came to know God like many of us will never experience.

He was given a vision of heaven while he was in a coma. He was advised to hold onto his experience until God released him to share. Meanwhile, he lived out his new faith and love in God.  Many people's lives were changed because of Dale's testimony. He became bold in his faith and shared freely.

Much of the book describes his battle to regain the use of his body and his faith that grew by great leaps.  This is a very inspiring account and I highly recommend it.  Captain Black is interviewed at 100 Huntley.com.  Great summertime reading because it is a fast-read and inspiring.

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Silent Tears -- Friday Fiction

>> Thursday, July 1, 2010

This week's Friday Fiction (Thursday Fiction for this week) is hosted at Karlene's blog, Homespun Expression.  Hopefully lots of stories there that you can read.  With it being a holiday weekend, we will see:)  This is a continuation of my story from last week, Sarai.  The first part is here, in case you missed it.  Happy 4th of July!  and hopefully the next time I'm writing in my blog, I'll be in Washington! 


Silent Tears

“My love.” Abram moved towards his bride in an unexpected embrace.

Sarai pulled away. The man got up and paced the room.

Warm tears coursed down the girl’s cheeks. The only lesson on sex she was taught was in the barnyard. Relations between animals, she understood. A relationship with this man, her man, this she had trouble with. She remembered noises from her parent’s bed when they thought she was asleep. As she got older, she figured out timelines from those noises to when the next baby appeared. A baby wouldn’t be all that bad, she realized, but to do what had to be done to conceive, this made her body tremble in fear.

Abram stood above her. She knew then that one night’s reprieve was all she was to get. He knelt at her side and wrapped her in his arms

“Shhh… All is well.” He spoke over her until her body stilled.

Sarai let her body relax and her mind floated to other places, places far more pleasant. She became one with him that night physically but her mind and spirit held onto the NOT EVER attitude.

Sarai gave her life to him and was obedient. She did grow to love Abram but not in a typical husband/wife way. She respected and revered him.

Now she looked out her father-in-law’s door. She walked down the dirt path to the well where she filled the water jugs for the day. Older now with more responsibilities, there was no time to lie on her belly and peer at her reflection but if she did have time, she would see sad eyes; eyes that betrayed her true feelings; old eyes, different from the young eyes she left home with.

She tripped along the path, weighed down with the water but her mind was far away. She set the jugs down and realized not much had changed from her childhood home. The same smells assaulted her senses. The strong odor of hard work preceded the men as they came into the house. The aroma of baking bread could not even cover up the offensive scent.

One thing was different, though. Sarai did all that was required of her in her new home but the thought brought her to silent tears in the eerie darkness of the night. She loved Abram but it was more of a fatherly love. It was all so confusing. Her father never touched her the way Abram did. Her father’s touch never made her skin tingle and her body jump in excitement. This so-called love that she was feeling could not be right. It could not be what her mother felt for her father. Her mother never once warned her. Never did she explain to her what would happen as she shared her bed with a man. Sarai blushed at the thought.

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