M is for Moving On...

I am very late this week.  I just got home yesterday from Michigan, which does begin with M too, I know.  But this post is my focus now - Moving On.  We are moving my son Nik to college tomorrow, to Southern Illinois University of Edwardsville.  He's planning to go into Criminal Justice.

I know he'll do well.  He's a very smart guy.  I know he'll make lots of friends plus lots of his friends from Clinton will be there too.  That's not the problem either.  The problem isn't him...the problem is me.

He's my baby.  I had him eighteen years ago.   I was thirty years old.  Ryan was about ten when Nik was born and Kristen was eight.  That's a pretty big age span.  By then I had things pretty much figured out.  I wasn't so scared.  We had more fun.

Nik went everywhere and did everything.  He learned to count by keeping score at Ryan's baseball games.  He was really good at it too.  The older boys played with Nik so he was really sociable and it's been the same to this day.  He's my fun kid.  Not ever shy.  Never.  He has a dry sense of humor and he's so very funny.

I got to work at the same school as Nik for these four years.  It's been so much fun and now....guess what? No job openings for teacher's aides at SIUE:)  Don't think the two hour commute is feasible even if there were.  I think Nik might frown on the idea too.  He loves me but he would draw the line to me following him to college.

He's ready.  His bags are packed.  I know because I helped him tonight.  He's been ready for a year.  I know because I've heard him bemoaning the fact that his senior year took so very long.  Yes, he's ready but this Mama Heart isn't.  This Mama Heart is breaking in half.

M is for moving on, which is what Nik is supposed to do but it sure does hurt.  It hurts bad.  But I also know that I'll get used to it soon, too soon.  And he'll be home soon, too soon:)  Just when we get used to our empty house.  :)  But for now, my heart breaks and the tears flow.  Tomorrow is going to be a killer on this mama and so many other mama's in Edwardsville and all over the country.

I sure do love Nik and Nik loves me.  I'm proud of him.  So very proud.  I'm proud of all three of our kids.  So very proud.  And now, as the last one leaves me...

ugh...can't type through tears anymore

M is for moving on...and other M posts that posted much earlier than I did at Peej's Ordinary Lives.  Sorry for the tears.