The Freak

I do stupid stuff. Like just now. That was a stupid sentence I wrote, but true. I do stupid things all the time. And it's one thing I do consistently. One thing I'm very reliable at. One thing you can depend on me for.  Stupidity. Not in everything. Maybe not even anymore than anyone else. Okay, so can I say that we all major in stupidity at one time or another?

I've heard some people say they would like to go back in time to fix things; a do-over. I've thought about it quite a bit and my conclusion is this:  I honestly think, if I were to go back in time, to the same age, faced with the same decisions, I would do things the same way or maybe mess things up even more. Let's say at age 16. Could we really make a good, rational decision, a different one than we made the first time? And if we did do things different, think how much might be changed down through our history. Hmmm...

You may ask why I'm so philosophical this most warm, summery day. No, it's not from reading Lisa Mikitarian's blog too much, although that might do it! Actually, it's from watching one of the 2012 Oscar Nominated Short Live Action Films, The Freak. All of the nominations are showing on the Starz channel right now. I think you'll enjoy this clip.

Interesting concept. This poor guy tried to get things right for eleven years before his friend intervened. He got one thing right finally, but then there was something else, always something else. It was driving him insane! He was stuck in a time warp continuum of sorts, of his own making, of course. He wanted to get life perfect. Who can do perfect? Who wants to do perfect?

Funny thing is, we don't have to BE perfect. We don't have to DO perfect. God accepts us for who we are...for what we do. He loves us just because. It's that word called GRACE! Grace - God finds favor with us even though we don't deserve it. I sure don't deserve it. He looks at me, at us, with love, not contempt. When I look in the mirror, I see every imperfection I have. When God looks, He sees what I will be.

"We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us!" -  1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message

We need to be the best we can be, of course, while we are on earth. We need to strive to be the healthiest we can be. Eat healthy because our body is God's house. With our body, we should be spending time with God; praising Him; telling others about Him and that He is coming soon! But you know, God doesn't expect perfection from us. He knows we aren't going to get it right all the time. He is in the business of forgiveness. I'm sure glad about that.

My pastor, Greg Taylor, shared a story about grace this past Sunday. There was a college class preparing for an exam that morning. Some sat confident, having already studied all night long. Others were doing last minute cramming. When the professor came in, he told them to keep the tests face down until every one got one. When he told the class to turn their tests over, I can imagine the silence; and then the murmuring; and then the hands slowly, one-by-one being raised. This professor had taken the test for them. All the answers were filled in. He even had their individual names on each test. Every one received an A, no matter what grade they were currently getting in the class. A. He then asked them if they deserved that grade. Of course they didn't. They didn't take the test. He just taught them the word grace in action. He gave them a life lesson they will never forget.

That's the way God did it. He already had Jesus take the test for us. Because of Him, we don't have to keep re-doing when we get things wrong. We don't need to beat ourselves up. Time machines are fun to think about but really aren't needed, or even practical. I sure did like that short film though. If you can, I would recommend you watch it. Good stuff!

I can't wait until the fog clears and I can see things clearly. It won't be long now. Jesus is coming soon. Come, Lord Jesus, come!

P.S. As I was studying/reading for this blog post, things got a little cloudy in my mind. I think I'm good now though, thanks to a quick FB pm to/from Greg. So, part two will be another day.

Until then...

Laury

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Hello, My Name Is...

Hello, my name is Laury. That's me to the left. Wasn't I cute in my glory days? Not a care in the world. All the cares were left to my young parents. You see,  I'm the daughter of Larry and Dixie Holman. They were married at a very young age: 17 and 16. A year later they had this cute little bundle of joy.

The year I was born, 1963, JFK was assassinated. I don't remember that, of course, but I know it was a major event. The 60's were pretty eventful but my parent's kept me safe.  They sheltered me.  They took me to church and I grew up knowing about God and when I was in grade school, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

But...as time goes on, things weren't as simple as they were when I was young and sheltered by my daddy.  I was out in the world and started making my own decisions. I'd say I haven't done too bad.

I got married to the guy next door, Jim.  We moved right smack in between our two parent's houses.  I remember my little sister coming over and asking if Jim could come out and play. That was a long time ago.  Seasons have come and gone.  Those little sisters and brother all ended up living with us at one time or another.  They chose a rougher road than I did.  Weird that we all grew up in that same home with the same parents.

In the course of time, we moved across the road and then we moved back across to where we live now.  Jim has NEVER EVER been out of this little place called Tabor.  We raised and kicked out of the nest three kids: Ryan, Kristen, and last but not least, Nik. They're okay as far as kids go.  Just kidding. We love them lots and think they're the best.  And now Kristen is married and starting to raise up her own little family.  Funny how life continues to multiply...

All that is behind me now.  I'm in a new phase.  Let me introduce myself.

Hello, my name is:

Now that's the problem.  I don't quite know who or what I am anymore.  The kids are gone.  The whole upstairs is empty.  Just Jim and I here and this summer, I'm alone all day long.  So weird.  Alone.  I love it.  I hate it.  I got pregnant right away after we were married so we really didn't have much time to be just us.

Our whole married lives were centered around our kids and their schedules.  
Now, suddenly...it's not.

During all this transitioning, I had a hysterectomy which helped lots of my emotional problems I was having but still...not all.  I wake up some days and wonder who exactly am I?  I deduce that I am me, whoever me is.  But who is me?

Hello, my name is:

• Lost
• Broken
• Fat
• Lazy
• Stupid
• Untalented
• Friendless
• Lonely
• Unmotivated

Should I go on?

I've had so many things knock me down.  I get back up only to get knocked down.  I try to remember the word is MENOPAUSE but it's still hard.  STILL HARD.  HARD.  And they are all names that satan wants me to call myself, not God.  Those names are all lies. God calls me His child.

God calls me Child of the One True King.

I think every woman can relate to Matthew West's song, My Name Is.  Just like my daddy took care of me and held me with such love in that picture above, God lavishes love on me.  He watches out for me every second unlike my earthly father could or can.  And He knows what's going on in my body and allows me to get help and I have.

And now, as I'm trying to lose weight AGAIN, after I don't know how many times I lose it and then gain it back, I know satan is going to whisper in my ear those words -

You can't do this - Quitter.

But I have to.  I have to be ready.  Stand strong.  Remember who I am.  What my name is.  And when the going gets tough.... I need to remember who I am:

Hello my name is:

Child of the one true King!

What's your name?

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See, I am doing a new thing!

Today starts my new journey.  I was approached about trying Medifast and I accepted the challenge - for 30 days, at least.  I've known for about a week now and during this time, I've been reading up on their website and on the foods.  I've also been eating up all the contraband in the house.  Last night, I had my 'last pizza.' On the 4th, we went to DQ and I had my 'last blizzard.'  It's really pathetic how I'm thinking.  It's a good thing my order came finally, because I'm to the point now where the 'lasts' keep coming up and it's getting really old -I'm so done.  I'm ready to forge on ahead to a healthier body. I'm eating more now than I regularly eat just because I know I won't be able to soon.  See?

Pa-the-tic!

While I waited, I Googled other women's blogs about their weight loss journeys with Medifast.  I'm not sure that was a good idea because now I'm scared.  Some were encouraging.  Some weren't.  That's to be expected, I suppose.  But at least every blog I read said the food was good.  That's the most important thing.  The foods must be good.  :)  I have to be on my own though, for one meal a day.  The lean and green meal.  That's a little scary.  I think the easiest will be to just do the meat and the vegetables at first.  Basic.  That's the plan.

That's my food order.  It came yesterday when Nik was home.  He wasn't impressed.  He's trying to gain weight.  Oh to be young and thin.  Sigh...  I can do this.  I have great willpower when I want it.  When I'm challenged.  I can always rise to a challenge.

I've lost weight in the past but then life happens and I turn to food to get myself through it.  That is a very dumb thing to do and it doesn't help.  All it does is make me feel bad about myself and make my body feel very out of whack.  I'm going to be 50 in August.  Oh my!  That's next month.  Wow!  Okay.  Now is as good a time as any to start moving forward on many things in my life, not just food.

In order to do that, move forward I mean, I have to let God be in control of every part of my life.  Last night a portion of a verse was floating in my mind and I found it.  I'm claiming it this month as mine.  To stand on.  To hold onto, even as the wind blows and tries to knock me off course.

“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland." --  Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV

Mari did such a good job on my blog header that it still fits my life after all this time.  On this new phase on my journey, I will need lots and lots of patience, strength, a great deal of hope and courage to continue on when I want to quit.  So here goes!  The journey has started...

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